My life has recently taken an
interesting turn. I have started
dating. Well, we don’t call it
that. We are friends with
potential. We are courting, getting to
know each other. But most other people
just call it dating.
This is the first time this
strange occurrence has come upon me. I
can’t even say that I asked for it or expected it. I just kind of turned around one day, and
there he was. Waiting on me. Quietly interested and biding his time. What was obvious to others, I was genuinely
unaware of.
And so, I am enjoying my time. We’ve moved from Sunday afternoon hikes, to
late nights fixing cars, to hour long talks on the phone (minus the three
minutes I drive through the “hole”). It
is a sweet time of learning and studying, with a newness and excitement that
keeps things interesting. But being with
him has made me uncover the gulf in my own backyard.
There are now two men in my
life. Him – new, fun, impromptu, sweet. Dad – well… just Dad… cautious, critical,
tired, authority. One I chose, the other
was chosen for me by God. Don’t
misunderstand me! My dad is a great
man. He is smart, handy, funny, and
willing to serve. He loves me and I love
him. But there is such a chasm in the
way I treat these two men, in my attitudes towards them. My joy is towards him. My, well, my frustration towards my dad.
I always thought I was a good
kid. After all, I was home by the time I
was supposed to be. I didn’t drink or
smoke or lie about my friends. I helped
chop wood and clean the garage. I didn’t
speak about my dad in a demeaning manner towards my friends. I wasn’t embarrassed to be seen around town
with my father. So what’s the big deal?
After I started being with him, I
saw the utter failure I was as a kid towards my dad. My attitude towards my dad was one of
disrespect and anger. And this was
nothing that could be blamed on anything my dad ever did or didn’t do. Ephesians 6:1-3 says “Children, obey your
parents in the Lord, for this is right.
Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with
promise: that it may be well with you, and you may live long on the earth.” Proverbs 1:7-9 “The fear of the Lord is the
beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction. My son, hear the instruction of your father,
and do not forsake the law of your mother; for they will be a graceful ornament
on your head, and chains about your neck.”
Right now, he is not an authority
figure in my life. We are friends, we
are equal. But no matter who my husband
may be in my future, whether that is soon or many years to come, that man will
be my head in Christ. He will take the
place of my dad. And in time, as the
flames of new affection burn cooler, it is quite possible that quirks will
become annoying, faults will become magnified, and good traits will become
foggy. Familiarity will take the
excitement, and time will allow perceived slights to become increasingly
numerous.
Now, this is not God’s idea of
marriage, it is just where gravity seems to pull.
I don’t want that vision for my future.
I want to begin taking steps now to prevent
that dismal outlook.
And I think it
begins with setting things right with my dad.
Step one, God’s forgiveness for me; a clean slate (
1
John 1:8-9). Step two, a horizontal transference of God’s forgiveness to my
dad (
Matt.
6:12,
Matt.
18:21-35).
And finally, a renewal of
a right attitude before God towards my earthly dad.
That will take prayer, a
sacrificial
heart towards God,
humbleness
because I am certainly no better of a person than my dad, and practical
application of respect, honor, and obedience.
By learning to do these things
now, I will be better prepared to serve my husband in the future, whoever he
is. And it will help me begin filling up
the gulf in my own backyard. After all,
I wouldn’t want to get hurt when I’m playing football back there!
