The Gulf in My Own Backyard

My life has recently taken an interesting turn.  I have started dating.  Well, we don’t call it that.  We are friends with potential.  We are courting, getting to know each other.  But most other people just call it dating. 

This is the first time this strange occurrence has come upon me.  I can’t even say that I asked for it or expected it.  I just kind of turned around one day, and there he was.  Waiting on me.  Quietly interested and biding his time.  What was obvious to others, I was genuinely unaware of. 

And so, I am enjoying my time.  We’ve moved from Sunday afternoon hikes, to late nights fixing cars, to hour long talks on the phone (minus the three minutes I drive through the “hole”).  It is a sweet time of learning and studying, with a newness and excitement that keeps things interesting.  But being with him has made me uncover the gulf in my own backyard.

There are now two men in my life.  Him – new, fun, impromptu, sweet.  Dad – well… just Dad… cautious, critical, tired, authority.  One I chose, the other was chosen for me by God.  Don’t misunderstand me!  My dad is a great man.  He is smart, handy, funny, and willing to serve.  He loves me and I love him.  But there is such a chasm in the way I treat these two men, in my attitudes towards them.  My joy is towards him.  My, well, my frustration towards my dad. 

I always thought I was a good kid.  After all, I was home by the time I was supposed to be.  I didn’t drink or smoke or lie about my friends.  I helped chop wood and clean the garage.  I didn’t speak about my dad in a demeaning manner towards my friends.  I wasn’t embarrassed to be seen around town with my father.  So what’s the big deal?

After I started being with him, I saw the utter failure I was as a kid towards my dad.  My attitude towards my dad was one of disrespect and anger.  And this was nothing that could be blamed on anything my dad ever did or didn’t do.  Ephesians 6:1-3 says “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.  Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with promise: that it may be well with you, and you may live long on the earth.”  Proverbs 1:7-9 “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction.  My son, hear the instruction of your father, and do not forsake the law of your mother; for they will be a graceful ornament on your head, and chains about your neck.”

Right now, he is not an authority figure in my life.  We are friends, we are equal.  But no matter who my husband may be in my future, whether that is soon or many years to come, that man will be my head in Christ.  He will take the place of my dad.  And in time, as the flames of new affection burn cooler, it is quite possible that quirks will become annoying, faults will become magnified, and good traits will become foggy.  Familiarity will take the excitement, and time will allow perceived slights to become increasingly numerous. 

Now, this is not God’s idea of marriage, it is just where gravity seems to pull.  I don’t want that vision for my future.  I want to begin taking steps now to prevent that dismal outlook.  And I think it begins with setting things right with my dad.  Step one, God’s forgiveness for me; a clean slate (1 John 1:8-9). Step two, a horizontal transference of God’s forgiveness to my dad (Matt. 6:12, Matt. 18:21-35).  And finally, a renewal of a right attitude before God towards my earthly dad.  That will take prayer, a sacrificial heart towards God, humbleness because I am certainly no better of a person than my dad, and practical application of respect, honor, and obedience. 

By learning to do these things now, I will be better prepared to serve my husband in the future, whoever he is.  And it will help me begin filling up the gulf in my own backyard.  After all, I wouldn’t want to get hurt when I’m playing football back there!